Dating Nerves

(written for Dinner4date)

We all get nervous. It doesn’t matter how confident or experienced you are at work, with your friends are in any other situation that you’re familiar with – the early stages of dating are a different matter. You want to create a good impression, you want to be relaxed and you want to enjoy yourself. And if nerves get the better of you then there’s every chance they will jeopardise all of that.

The trouble is that it is all psychological, so it doesn’t matter what the experts say or how other people appear to date with ease. The key is to find ways that will reduce your feelings of apprehension as much as possible so that you can focus on your date and not on your nerves.

There are certain things that you definitely shouldn’t do. Top of the list is getting drunk. While there is no harm in a little Dutch courage, having too many before your night has even begun is not a good idea. First of all, your date is sure to notice and no one likes to feel that it takes someone to be half cut to spend time with them. Secondly, you will automatically be steps ahead in the drinking stakes so whatever you drink thereafter is going to affect you more than your date. Finally, it doesn’t actually make the nerves go away - it only buries them beneath the surface, meaning that the anxiety is still there and can rise to the surface at any point. You’ll become prone to saying something stupid, moving too fast, being temperamental or generally reacting badly to what’s going on around you. Far better to be sober and more in control, even if that means being more uneasy.

Another tactic to avoid is acting as if the whole thing is no big deal in an attempt to mask your real feelings. By all means keep the mood light and upbeat but remember that at the same time, a completely carefree attitude will give your date the impression that you’re indifferent to the outcome. And whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances (and it has been done), take a friend for moral support.

So now that the faux pas are out of the way, what can you do to relieve the nerves and help you relax and enjoy yourself? One of the best tips is to do something else before your date. Sitting at home and thinking too much ahead will only build on your anxiety. Going to the gym, going shopping, watching a movie, reading a book – anything that will take your mind off events will help. Distract yourself, preferably with an activity that makes you feel good because that in turn will boost your self-confidence and put you in a good mood.

Finally, remember that your date will be nervous too. No one is superhuman and - as mentioned earlier - dating is not easy for everyone. You will both be in exactly the same situation so don’t pretend to be someone that you’re not. Be yourself and help each other out. If you can be honest upfront, that’s the best start to what could turn out to be a great relationship.